Music

My first time on the stage

Today I want to tell you about my first experience of being on the stage in front of crowds of people. I was in high school and we played in a small band with my classmates. Actually there were three of us: my friend, my boyfriend and me.  I was a singer. I could sing well since I was a child so by the age of seventeen I was doing it quite professionally. We practiced in the school music room but for a long time we didn’t have any chance to perform in front of a big audience. Most of our songs were covers but I also composed a couple of songs myself. One of them was a song devoted to a small town I lived in. I decided to send it to local authorities and they liked it. They asked us to perform on a big event – a Town Day.

We were so excited. We were training day and night. I remember that moment appearing on the stage. I looked down and my head started going round and round. Whether from excitement or from the height of the stage. When I started singing I felt as if I was listening to myself and looking at myself from outside. I couldn’t believe it was me on the scene. This cool girl singing in front of the whole town, it was me. Thousands of eyes were focused on me. I was thinking of men, all men of the town looking at my curvy body. And you know, the feeling that I had…even now every time when I’m standing on the stage I feel it again and again. Maybe it’s adrenaline, like in extreme sport, maybe some other hormones conquer my body, but I distinctly feel sexual excitement. At the end of the song I was horny and all wet. My pants were totally wet. I jumped on my boyfriend and took him to the toilet. We had sex but my thoughts were not about him. I was thinking of that eyes looking at me, of that crowds of people watching me and listening to my voice.

Maybe I can characterize this feeling as an ecstasy. I know many bands take drugs before their concerts, but I never do. For me being in front of the people is a drug itself. This feeling of excitement and self-admiration.

My only passion

I’m very passionate by nature and the songs I sing and the manner I sing are very passionate too. When I’m on the stage, I’m literally burning. I give myself to the audience and after the performance I feel like I do after sex: calm, happy and exhausted, with lots of positive emotions and with a smile on my face.

I have a bit strange sex preferences. I lost my virginity when I was 14 and I have had lots of sex since then. Now I find regular sex very boring. Well, if you have a new boyfriend, it can be exciting for a month or two, but then boredom overwhelms me again. I need very strong emotions. I tried BDSM but it’s not exactly what I want. Sex in public places excite me quite a lot, but it’s nothing compared to being on the stage. It’s my best sex fetish. Even after so many years it still excites me the same way as it happened on a Town Day in high school. I was trying to figure out why it happens to me. Maybe I suffer from exhibitionism or any other perversion. Why suffer? I get a lot of pleasure from it and it makes me wanna work and sing again and again.

Actually, I don’t have much time for private life. I need to work and to have repetitions with my band. I sometimes have one-night stands, but very often it’s not impressive. Mere physiology. Music and stage are my only passions and my most devoted lovers.